Well, my heart has officially exited my body and is walking around down in Florida. I put my kids on a plane Thursday. Their first plane ride alone. They cried. I cried. We are gonna miss each other!! Two weeks will not pass quickly enough.
But they did it! They called back so proud of themselves. They had a good flight, and made it there safe and sound. It's hard not to be blue. I'm doing my best to enjoy my last hurrah alone with my hubby before new baby arrives. I still miss my babies, though. I have two very brave, very wonderful children.
Now... the Saints are about to kick off. It's time to watch some football!!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
A Decision
Today I'm decorating Gingerbread men. I have seven days until my babies have to leave me for Christmas, and the Christmasing has begun. We have an action packed weekend coming up and what better way to kick off than Gingerbread men? And a visit to the doctor to hear our baby's heartbeat. Frustrations are officially going to the back burner, and I mean the very back. I have a gorgeous husband who is nuts about me, I have two amazing children on the outside and one inside. It's Christmastime and we have each other... and gingerbread men. All other crap must wait until I am finished relishing every second with my precious ones.
Let's do it!!
Let's do it!!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Taking Advice
Levi on tattling:
"Robert ALWAYS has to do that. He tells on somebody ALL the time, he always has to have something to tell on. It's like "DUDE... take a break!!"
I SO feel his pain. There is something going on right now that makes my heart say "Seriously???? I mean, REALLY??? After everything you have already done to me and my children... now this????" It's like "DUDE... take a break!"
Maybe it's the size of my belly, and the size of the hormone surges I'm having. Maybe it's exhaustion or fear or whatever. I'm just having trouble finding my usual look-on-the-bright-side attitude. I'm frustrated with people and humanity and the general stupidity of a person who unfortunately has influence on my babies. Honestly, I'm frustrated with God a little too. It's not like He doesn't already know this, so don't you freak out ok? I just feel like I tried to honor Him through forgiveness and through sticking out a marriage that was doomed. I tried to be the hero, to forgive when it wasn't deserved, to keep going when no one knew how I was suffering. I tried to hold it all together, for the sake of my family and for the sake of His church. And now... this situation just continues to plague me, even after I've finally been released from it and gone on toward wholeness.
I feel like crying out for mercy from this. I feel like asking "How long? and WHY???" Mostly I also feel frustrated that no one seems to be caring what is best for my children. Perhaps pregnancy has me feeling SUPER maternal right now, but I just can't get over how precious my children are, and how undeserved all of their suffering has been. WHO's looking out for them?? Well, me and God that's who. But still I wish I could make other people wake up and realize that they are really what is important.
Ugh. I'm tired of all this, and tired of being tired of it. I want to go on with my life and love my husband and enjoy our new baby. And that I will do. We all will.
Perhaps I should take Levi's advice after all. I mean "Dude... take a break!" isn't a bad sounding deal. Maybe a break and a little perspective will help... and some chinese food...
:)
"Robert ALWAYS has to do that. He tells on somebody ALL the time, he always has to have something to tell on. It's like "DUDE... take a break!!"
I SO feel his pain. There is something going on right now that makes my heart say "Seriously???? I mean, REALLY??? After everything you have already done to me and my children... now this????" It's like "DUDE... take a break!"
Maybe it's the size of my belly, and the size of the hormone surges I'm having. Maybe it's exhaustion or fear or whatever. I'm just having trouble finding my usual look-on-the-bright-side attitude. I'm frustrated with people and humanity and the general stupidity of a person who unfortunately has influence on my babies. Honestly, I'm frustrated with God a little too. It's not like He doesn't already know this, so don't you freak out ok? I just feel like I tried to honor Him through forgiveness and through sticking out a marriage that was doomed. I tried to be the hero, to forgive when it wasn't deserved, to keep going when no one knew how I was suffering. I tried to hold it all together, for the sake of my family and for the sake of His church. And now... this situation just continues to plague me, even after I've finally been released from it and gone on toward wholeness.
I feel like crying out for mercy from this. I feel like asking "How long? and WHY???" Mostly I also feel frustrated that no one seems to be caring what is best for my children. Perhaps pregnancy has me feeling SUPER maternal right now, but I just can't get over how precious my children are, and how undeserved all of their suffering has been. WHO's looking out for them?? Well, me and God that's who. But still I wish I could make other people wake up and realize that they are really what is important.
Ugh. I'm tired of all this, and tired of being tired of it. I want to go on with my life and love my husband and enjoy our new baby. And that I will do. We all will.
Perhaps I should take Levi's advice after all. I mean "Dude... take a break!" isn't a bad sounding deal. Maybe a break and a little perspective will help... and some chinese food...
:)
Friday, December 04, 2009
Sharin' My Happiness
My dear sweet longtime, knows-all-my-secrets friend, Christy Sallee, took some pics of me and my gorgeous man. Ya know how when you are pregnant you just feel kind of... yucky? Definitely not beautiful. Well, I posed for and Christy took some pics that made me feel BEAUTIFUL. Some I never dreamed I'd dare to take. But I did, and IT WAS SO AWESOME!! C, you did my heart good!!! Some of the ones that are appropriate to share are below. Untouched.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Peanut Gallery
Levi: (Commenting on my new back brace to help with lower back and round ligament pain) "Are you gonna wear that all the time?"
Me: "Well, it helps my back feel better."
Levi: "I'm a man. So I don't get back pain. Unless I have a cramp.... Now, preg-i-nit women... (with a shake of his head) THEY get a lot of cramps."
This is pregnancy from a seven year old boy's perspective. I love being "preg-i-nit!"
Me: "Well, it helps my back feel better."
Levi: "I'm a man. So I don't get back pain. Unless I have a cramp.... Now, preg-i-nit women... (with a shake of his head) THEY get a lot of cramps."
This is pregnancy from a seven year old boy's perspective. I love being "preg-i-nit!"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Questions
Just a few questions...
Why does pregnancy make food fall on your clothes? I walk around every day with SOMETHING on my shirt. Am I really that much of a pig?
Why can't I ever, EVER get full? I'm hungry ALL the time!!
How is it that I can be so proud of my daughter and how grown up she is, and want her to come back and be a baby again all at the same time??
Is it really true that a new baby can make me love the babies I already have a million times more?
Why do I expect so much of myself? Why all the perfectionism crap?
Where is my nap?
Where do college students' parents think their children are when they are actually sitting near me and my family on the streetcar wearing next to nothing and acting way too desperate? And how will I keep my daughter from engaging in such?
Why are the people at the coffee shop on Oak Street and Carollton so unfriendly? I mean, you can be bohemian and funky and all... and still be friendly to your customers. GOSH!! All I wanted was a steamer.
Will my son remember walking to the streetcar stop and riding downtown with me and his S-Dad, just for fun? Will he remember all the crazy stuff we can see in this city? Will he know how much fun I had showing it to him?
Why can't we watch Napoleon Dynamite every day? I love that movie!! Are you gonna eat your tots?
How come I'm writing these silly questions when there are a zillion other deep thoughts I could be sharing?
Why can't every day be Monday?
Why do I let people who have done enough to hurt me, and yet somehow still feel entitled to treat me as he, I mean they, please continue to hurt me? I think I'm finished with that.
What are we havin' for Thanksgiving? Pecan pie, I hope. I'd really love some pecan pie right now.
Why don't I spend more time being silly? I haven't been nearly silly enough. There goes that perfectionism again...
Who knows...
And I thought I had all the answers... Turns out I mostly just have questions.
Why does pregnancy make food fall on your clothes? I walk around every day with SOMETHING on my shirt. Am I really that much of a pig?
Why can't I ever, EVER get full? I'm hungry ALL the time!!
How is it that I can be so proud of my daughter and how grown up she is, and want her to come back and be a baby again all at the same time??
Is it really true that a new baby can make me love the babies I already have a million times more?
Why do I expect so much of myself? Why all the perfectionism crap?
Where is my nap?
Where do college students' parents think their children are when they are actually sitting near me and my family on the streetcar wearing next to nothing and acting way too desperate? And how will I keep my daughter from engaging in such?
Why are the people at the coffee shop on Oak Street and Carollton so unfriendly? I mean, you can be bohemian and funky and all... and still be friendly to your customers. GOSH!! All I wanted was a steamer.
Will my son remember walking to the streetcar stop and riding downtown with me and his S-Dad, just for fun? Will he remember all the crazy stuff we can see in this city? Will he know how much fun I had showing it to him?
Why can't we watch Napoleon Dynamite every day? I love that movie!! Are you gonna eat your tots?
How come I'm writing these silly questions when there are a zillion other deep thoughts I could be sharing?
Why can't every day be Monday?
Why do I let people who have done enough to hurt me, and yet somehow still feel entitled to treat me as he, I mean they, please continue to hurt me? I think I'm finished with that.
What are we havin' for Thanksgiving? Pecan pie, I hope. I'd really love some pecan pie right now.
Why don't I spend more time being silly? I haven't been nearly silly enough. There goes that perfectionism again...
Who knows...
And I thought I had all the answers... Turns out I mostly just have questions.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Baby CALEB!!!
Here's our baby, Caleb!
His face in 4-D.
Here, he's waving hello to his big brother Levi and his big sister, Mackenzie. They had so much fun seeing him on the screen. You can see the side of his head and his profile, but the hand is kind of covering his mouth.
Sorry for the funny way they look, had to scan the hard copies in, but I wanted to get them up here to celebrate! He's growing so well, his heart looks good, kidneys, brain, everything!!! YAY! He does happen to be breech right now, but that can and hopefully will change before time to make his appearance. Any prayers anyone wants to say to that effect will be welcome. Sorry to brag and run, but just had to show my little joy. More later!!
His face in 4-D.
Here, he's waving hello to his big brother Levi and his big sister, Mackenzie. They had so much fun seeing him on the screen. You can see the side of his head and his profile, but the hand is kind of covering his mouth.
Sorry for the funny way they look, had to scan the hard copies in, but I wanted to get them up here to celebrate! He's growing so well, his heart looks good, kidneys, brain, everything!!! YAY! He does happen to be breech right now, but that can and hopefully will change before time to make his appearance. Any prayers anyone wants to say to that effect will be welcome. Sorry to brag and run, but just had to show my little joy. More later!!
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